in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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