It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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