I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
