All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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