I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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