my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
