I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
