You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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