My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
