I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
