umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
