I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
