Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
