hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
