I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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