Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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