i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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