I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
