operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
