worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
