I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
