You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
