did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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