these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
