Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
