I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
