Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
