I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
