Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
