Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
