Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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