Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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