I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
