you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
