I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
