This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
