Kiss
Puke
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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