I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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