Pappa wants mamma naked
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
