You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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