what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
