I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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