is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i dont even know how to be here
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
