Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
