I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
