There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
