The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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