If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
