after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
