I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
