Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
